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An important and transformative guide that addresses the protective, yet dysfunctional dynamic where couples avoid genuine connection with an unsatisfying pattern of false intimacy. Drawing on their extensive clinical experience, the authors look at “song and dance” behavioral routines repeatedly performed by couples in irrelationships and delve into the most difficult emotions and actions to help readers achieve personal breakthroughs.
Written for anyone who wants to understand unhealthy patterns and how to change them, Irrelationships will help readers develop interpersonal skills, creating a new opportunity to heal and restore loving relationships.
Mark B. Borg, Jr., PhD, is a community psychologist and psychoanalyst, and a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute.
Grant H. Brenner, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice, specializing in treating mood and anxiety disorders and the complex problems that may arise in adulthood from childhood trauma and loss.
Daniel Berry, RN, MHA, has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987 and has worked for almost two decades in community-based programs.
- Sales Rank: #134349 in Books
- Published on: 2015-10-20
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.90" h x .80" w x 6.00" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
Review
“Irrelationship is an invaluable user’s guide to the care and maintenance of adult relationships. It shines a light on challenges we often choose to ignore—the adoption of roles that limit us, the replaying of damaging patterns formed by our earliest experiences—and offers insightful and concrete advice on how to do the work necessary to build stronger and happier partnerships.”--Carolyn Parkhurst, Author of The Dogs of Babel and The Nobodies Album
“Irrelationship crosses the frontier of “self help” into a new area which the authors call “self-other help.” The DREAM Sequence used for recovery from irrelationship is designed for couples to work together and help them reconnect with the wonderful chemistry and emotional connections that initially drew them to one another.”--Diana Kirschner, PhD, Bestselling author of Love in 90 Days
“The road to recovery is stated in user-friendly, self-help terms—discover the unrealistic song-and-dance both partners are playing, seek to repair it (by sharing responsibility for the problem), and thereby empowering each other to make changes (alternative ways of thinking and behaving) through a mutuality of experience that permits the expression of love in all its wonderful, vital, unpredictable, even downside forms, as the way to find continued growth and collaboration for both members of the couple.”--Martin Bloom, PhD, Professor Emeritus, University of Connecticut
About the Author
Mark B. Borg, Jr., Ph.D. is a community psychologist and psychoanalyst, founding partner of The Community Consulting Group, and a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute. He has written extensively about the intersection of psychoanalysis and community crisis intervention. He is in private practice in New York City. Dr. Borg attended graduate school at the California School of Professional Psychology, where he earned both his MA and PhD in a dual-track program in clinical and community psychology. While there, Dr. Borg served on a four-year community empowerment project that was developed in South Central Los Angeles in the wake of the 1992 riots. Also at that time, he conducted individual and group psychotherapy at the AIDS Services Foundation in Orange County, California.
Grant H. Brenner, MD is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice, specializing in treating mood and anxiety disorders and the complex problems that may arise in adulthood from childhood trauma and loss. He completed medical school at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey and holds Certificates in Psychoanalysis and in Organizational Psychodynamics from the William Alanson White Institute. Dr. Brenner serves on the board of the nonprofit organization Disaster Psychiatry Outreach. He is a faculty member of the Mount Sinai Hospital and Director of the Trauma Service of the William Alanson White Institute. He is an editor of Creating Spiritual and Psychological Resilience: Integrating Care in Disaster Relief Work, and the author of several papers and book chapters related to disaster response.
Daniel Berry, RN, MHA has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987. He worked for almost two decades in community based programs and private care for HIV/AIDS and substance abuse populations. He is currently the Assistant Director of Nursing for Risk Management at a public hospital serving homeless and undocumented victims of street violence, drug addiction, and severe traumatic injuries. His work history includes employment at two of New York City’s major medical centers and as a visiting nurse in the homes of some of the city’s most privileged households as well as some of its most underprivileged housing projects.
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Beautifully and respectfully engages the reader on a fully human ...
By MM
Beautifully and respectfully engages the reader on a fully human level. In this carefully organized book the authors first present the science behind the development of interpersonal behaviors.This is interspersed with heartfelt stories of real people who have found themselves in irrelationships and their courageous journeys to a new way of loving and intimacy. Finally, we are given clear steps that can be taken to break old "song and dances" and to develop fulfilling relationships with the important people in our lives.
Intelligent, accessible and filled with useful information to achieve real healing, change and growth.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
We live in a time where zoning out is many ...
By Dee Wagner
We live in a time where zoning out is many folks' survival mode. The intensity of being present in our relationships can be overwhelming. Irrelationship names an important problem in our world and our relationships today. A must read.
--Author of Naked Online: A DoZen Ways to Grow from Internet Dating
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Great read - a great guide on how to achieve true intimacy!
By David K.
This book is a great guide into dissecting what goes wrong from childhood to adulthood, how it affects our relationships as adults and how to become aware, accept and fix these problems. Additionally it gives advice on how to strengthen acceptance and repair the pitfalls that plague many toxic relationships. Finally, it teaches us how to see our relationship as more of a special friendship so you and your significant other can comfortably share everyday moments and interests with each other. Great read.
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